Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Clarifications and a Revamp

I had originally started this Blogger account for use with my friends over on the RP/Parody site: though between things tapering off over there as well as the fact that I seem to be using my account here more and more for commentary etc, I figured a revamp was in order. All the entries labeled with "Burnt Toast Diner" are just for fun and do not really reflect the real me, but merely a caricature that I use in connection with the parody. So here are some things you should know:

I am no where near as ditzy as I play things in the parody though I can be a bit scattered brained at times, thank you ADD (/sarcasm).

I do read Tarot cards and if you read my blogs else where on MySpace, MyNBC and Live Journal, you know that I have weird dreams. While some turn out to be symbolic representations of past present or future events, others are quite literal. And you should see the things I see if I pause and meditate sometimes.

Given the contents of my writings here and elsewhere, I suppose it's obvious that I'm a fan of Christopher Eccleston and his work and I fully admit to being obsessed with Claude Rains (the character) as well as being in love with Claude since he first appeared on Heroes, as strange as that may sound. If I am called strange or weird, that's about par for the course for me and not just for this but my for life in general.

No, I've not as yet been able to foresee winning lottery numbers though I shall certainly blog about it if that changes.

Yes, I really am an RN. I work 11-7 shift on a longterm care and hospice floor. I also have a habit of keeping a pic of Chris as Claude on my desk as I work that I have a copy of with many thanks to Mr. Greg Beeman. I also have a tendency, especially when stressed, to think about what Claude might say to me if he were following me about invisibly as I work. And while some that imaginary dialogue is snark, anyone who knows Claude knows that isn't all there is to his character. You don't have to take my word for it; you can rewatch Claude's scenes in Heroes season 1 or just go to and read Sum Quod Sum parts 1 & 2, Rebellion Part 3: Family (3 of my favorite Graphic Novels- and a great big thank you to Oliver Grigsby and Jason Badower), as well as Comrades parts 1 & 2 and you can see there's more to Claude than just snark even if he keeps that part of himself hidden as often as he is invisible.

In case you are curious and don't follow my other blogs and are wondering, this is the nightmare that has had me worried since 8 February 2009:

There were various images and dreams that I couldn't really sort out and then I suddenly found myself in a funeral home. I saw a few characters I know there including Sandra, and Monica, and they were standing in front of chairs that were in rows (usual set up for those places, at least those I've been in). There was a closed white coffin at the "head" of the room. I noticed Claude was not among the group and that bothered me, a lot, even more than the fact that Peter Petrelli and Noah Bennet also being absent. I know the usual procedure for a coffin that is closed is for a picture of the deceased to be placed near it, but there were no pictures anywhere and no flowers either, just the group of mourners. As far as I know, closed caskets are not supposed to be opened. I had a feeling I knew whom I was going to find inside but I had to open it anyway. I found Claude in there. Why the casket was closed I don't know as I could see nothing wrong - other than Claude being dead- which would have warranted closing the casket. Also Claude was bearded and someone had decided to dress him in a pinstriped dark blue suit with a white dress shirt, a somewhat frilly one, which really didn't suit him. I was too shocked to do much at first other than stare. It's probably some defense mechanism that made me even notice how he was dressed. I also felt the need to do something, to negate what I saw. For some reason the idea of kissing Claude came to mind. Maybe it was a hold over from the old fairytales I read as child or the fact that I knew he wouldn't react well to that if he were in fact still alive, I just know that I didn't (and /still/ don't) want him to be dead. So I leaned over and kissed Claude, hoping somehow he'd be alright even if he got mad at me for doing so, as I'd rather have him alive and angry at me than dead. I noticed that oddly enough he wasn't cold at all. Then I woke up.

I'm hoping like mad that nightmare was merely symbolic.
It may have been brief but it was very vivid. I wasn't just seeing it but I felt like I was really there. That's part of why it bothers me so. That and the last thing I ever want to see is Claude get killed. Maybe he's just a character to some, but knowing he's out and about in his world (even if it's a fictional one) and alive in that world, brings me a great deal of comfort when things get rough. Were it not for other pleasant dreams I've had since then I would probably be a basket case by now. Despite my other dreams that have come true, I am not one who believes the future is cast in stone. I see it more as that I am picking up on most likely futures and any choice can change the outcome but one must act if any change is to occur. It's like seeing dominoes set up to be knocked over. One tile may start the chain reaction but take a tile or two out of place, even if the reaction is going, and the entire pattern can change dramatically. And even if things were "cast in stone" any decent stonemason or geologist can tell you that stone is not permanent. Sometimes it's a matter of finding a good tool to break it with such as a jackhammer or explosives. So here is my action driven by the nightmare: to anyone who has control over canon events in the "Heroesverse:" I beg you, please don't kill Claude. And if you're wondering I would be willing to take several bullets myself for Claude's sake.

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